Archive for December, 2004

Incredibly selfish eh. Your mom’s incredibly selfish.

Anyway. So, the deal is folks, I’m not confused. I’m not caught up in a deep inner turmoil. I must have come across that way for so many people to respond in the way they did.

Let me explain further, as it seems necessary, maybe only to save my own ass.
Firstly… I too am an affectionate person. My primary love language is touch. Mel’s comment was more on track than most peoples. Yes I panicked a bit, and yes it’s largely my issue, but yes, there is also such a thing as unbalance. There are times when the affection between any guy and guy, and girl and girl, can be unhealthy simply because they are directing their affection at the wrong person.

I do not think that all girls who are affectionate with each other are lesbians. If you thought I thought that, then I label you an idgit for not properly reading my previous posts. What I do think is that some people (regardless of gender and marital status) have slightly misguided affections. I know that I am right in this, because A) people have told me I am, and B) there is a whole book devoted to the subject. It’s called Every Woman’s Battle. I’m serious. Read it. (I haven’t read it yet myself, but I plan too, once I finish Every Young Man’s Battle.)

To Mr Rude Pants Observer:

When you are frustrated because your girlfriend feels comfortable being touchy with her girlfriends, however she wont with you… you need to check yourself not her. Why are you frustrated sir? Is it because she is getting some positive attention from some of her close friends? Or is it because you are not the only person that is giving her that attention. With my objective point of view it is obvious that you are not confident and secure in the relationship.

You may be right. Or you may just be a girl who’s uncomfortable giving affection to her boyfriend. I am affectionate with my girlfriend because I love her and want everyone to know. I do not think it is unfair of me to ask the same from my girlfriend. By the by, she’s becoming more affection with me in public, because she is becoming more used to it, and more used to me. I think you are the one with the issue, my friend.

Honestly who tells their girlfriend not to hug her other friends?!?!

Umm… not me. You must have been reading the wrong blog. I never wrote that and I don’t even want to write that.

If you want to take on the role of the leader, then I sure hope you are leading in every other aspect of life.

I’m doing my best. I obviously have a lot to learn, but I’m aware of it, and aren’t afraid to deal with it.

Bottom line is, I don’t have a problem with the way my girlfriend treats me or her other friends. My problem is when someone is writing things to her that I would write to her. That person has her own boyfriend to write those things too. I don’t think it’s write that she was texting my girlfriend on a daily basis telling her that she loved her and missed her etc. The first time it happened, my lovely lady thought it was from me.

That’s my point. End of story. I don’t have a problem with female affection. If you read my previous post you would understand that. To everyone else, sorry for the confusion, at least you were kind about letting me think out loud.

I’m quite impressed with Sarah’s comment. Go and read it, on the post after this one.

She makes the point that, yes, we should be taking everything from God first, but that God also gives us friends to help in the process. I agree, and I suspected someone would point that out. I talked with a few people tonight and have gained perhaps a more balanced insight.

One man with the same initials as I talked a lot about storge love. He said women are made to be more affectionate, because that is the side of God that they represent. John Eldredge talks a lot about that exact same thing in Wild at Heart. That men are built to represent the wildness and the strength of God, while women are made to represent the love and the kindness and caring side of God.

(As a side note, this is one of the reasons that I believe homosexual marriage to be fundamentally flawed. You don’t need to get all Biblical about it, it’s pure and simple, God made a man, and matched him with a woman.)

Anyway, I realise that I need to be careful in what I say on this topic. I don’t want to give the idea that I think girls should not be affectionate. I just think that there is a healthy balance that is being overlooked. I definitely think that guys still have a lot to learn about love and affection.
On the flip side though, if I am learning about love and affection, to love and be affectionate with my future wife, I want my future wife to be wild and strong with me. I don’t mean that in a sexual way, though I don’t mean it in a non sexual way either. I mean in life in general. I want to be wild and strong, I want to lead her places spiritually and physically that she would be afraid to go on her own, but I want her to know enough about wildness that she’ll follow me anyway.
Tit for tat, I think.

And to be honest, I think both those things are happening in my relationship with Maija. I’m definitely more affectionate with others than I would be without being with Maija. It’s counteracted a little bit by the pain and frustration of my parents separating, but still. I’m much more huggy with mum, and take more notice of my brothers, because of the caring nurturing spirit that rubs off from Maija. I can’t really speak for Maija, but I can see many things about her that have changed for the better, since we have been together. Things that she has taken pretty seriously, like University. I asked her to wait till September being starting her last year of Uni (for various reasons), and after initial refusal, she changed her schedule. That kind of thing blew me away, that she was already following my advice, and letting me lead, when she really doesn’t have a big obligation to do so.

That’s all for now. More to come later.